This is an answer written by a candidate who achieved a Band 5 score. Here is the examiner’s comment:-
The writer does what is required of her in terms of task fulfilment, and the message can be followed, but the weaknesses in grammatical control and in spelling cause difficulty for the reader.
Complex sentence structures are attempted, but the greatest levels of accuracy are found in basic, simple structures.
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The charts below show the number of Japanese tourists travelling abroad between 1985 and 1995 and Australia’s share of the Japanese tourist market.
Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown below.
You should write at least 150 words.
This chart shows us that Japanese tourists go abroad for travelling in a decade and Australian’s share of marketing for Japanese tourists. Between 1985 and 1995 Japanese tourists travelling abroad was dramatically increased. In 85 there was about 5 milions traveller go abroad. Since 85 number of traveller went up dramatically until 40. It was almost twice then between 90 and 93 the number rimain stateable, which is about 12 million. From 93 to 95 it rose slightly. Therefore, in 1995 there were about 15 million people went abroad.
I am going to write about the other chart, which is Australian’s share of Japanese’s tourist market. This is also between 1985 and 1995. About 2 million Japanese tourist went to Australia in 1985. Between 85 and 89 people went there is increased sharply, which is almost 3 times more. In 1990 it fall number slightly but from 90 to 94 number is went up. However 94 to 95 is not so went up number of people who went to Australia. It remain is the same or slightly decreased.
This is an answer written by a candidate who achieved a Band 7 score. Can you find the difference?
The graph chart given below illustrates the number of Japanese tourist travelling abroad while the line chart shows Australia’s share of Japan’s tourist market.
Overall, the highest Millions of Japanese traveling abroad was 95, while 85 experienced as the lowest. However, the percentage of Australia’s share of the Japanese market had fluctuated record.
In 85, Japanese traveler has less enthusiast by approximately 5 millions, then it had decrease during 90 to 91 which had about 11 millions. The second biggest number was in 94, that means lower by 1.2 millions more or less than the year of 95 had about approximately 15 millions traveler.
Furthermore, the figure explains increase of Japanese tourist market coming to Australia was about 2% in 85, increase gradually till reach under 5%. By contrast, in the both periods of 88 to 89 and 93 to 94 were slightly decrease, although in 93 was representing the highest percentage which had more than 6%.