[Band 8.5] Changes that have taken place at West Park Secondary School

The answer, changes that have taken place at West Park Secondary School, is submitted by Deepa Khadka and re-edited hrawan to meet the standard of 8.5.

The diagrams below show the changes that have taken place at West Park Secondary School since its construction in 1950.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Write at least 150 words.
changes taking place in west park secondary school

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Band 8.5 Answer for changes that have taken place at West Park Secondary School

The diagrams illustrate various development of West Park Secondary School from 1950 to 2010. Overall, the school saw significant growth although its recreational facilities did not develop as much as its buildings and parking space.

In 1950, the school was a single building located along the main road and to the right of a series of houses. There was a large playground which was located right behind the school building to the right of some farmland.

Thirty years later in 1980, the three rows of houses were demolished and changed into a car park, as well as a new science block, for the school while the old school building was changed into its main building. The farmland was also replaced by a new sports field, but the playground remained unchanged.

In the last year, 2010, the car park was extended up to the previously allocated to the sports field. However, about a third of the old playground was turned into a new, yet much smaller, sports field.

(174 words)

IELTS Writing Tip

Keep Dates at the beginning or end of a sentence.
Some examples are:-
– In 1950, the school was a…….
– The diagrams illustrate various development of West Park Secondary School from 1950 to 2010……….
Click here for more band 7 tips

Examiner reads your answer 4 times, each to attain the following standards :-

Task AchievementCohesion and CoherenceLexical ResourceGrammatical RangeOverall
98898.5

Examiner’s Touch upon changes that have taken place at West Park Secondary School:-

This is a high quality Band 8.5 essay, with logical grouping of data and clear explanation of the whole development phase.

The candidate paraphrases well in the introduction, and then in the main body she very clearly introduces the main group trend (although its recreational facilities did not develop as much as its buildings and parking space.)

S/He then provides a glimpse of the park on 1950 and the next paragraph explains the series of changes in 1980 and then compares with 2010.

S/He introduces the exception and similarity with ‘but’ and ‘as well as’ after which explains the exception, giving chosen changes to explain it and presents how it is totally different.

The candidate makes use of a wide range of language (eg demolished, changed into, replaced by) and uses good grammatical construction. The general impression is of a well-organised candidate writing in a clear method.

Click here for the secret of band 7 writing tips

What does a band 7 essay satisfies?

BandTask AchievementCoherence and
Cohesion
Lexical ResourceGrammatical Range and
Accuracy
7• covers the
requirements of the task
• (Academic) presents
a clear overview of main trends, differences or stages
• (General Training)
presents a clear purpose, with the tone consistent and
appropriate
• clearly presents and
highlights key features/bullet points but could be more fully extended
• logically organises
information and ideas; there is clear progression
throughout
• uses a range of
cohesive devices
appropriately
although there may be some under- /over-use
• uses a sufficient
range of vocabulary
to allow some
flexibility and precision
• uses less common lexical items with some awareness of style and collocation
• may produce
occasional errors in
word choice, spelling
and/or word formation
• uses a variety of
complex structures
• produces frequent
error-free sentences
• has good control of
grammar and
punctuation but may make a few errors

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