I want to share some advice that I’ve just given to a student on my member site.
Here’s a conclusion that the student wrote:
In conclusion, I believe it is evident to say that there is a great tendency to buy a house instead of renting one which is critically related to two valid reasons as discussed and resulting in positive outcomes both for owners and industry.
And here are my comments:
You’re using far too many ‘filler phrases’ (below). These phrases contain no ‘topic vocabulary’ at all, so they are not going to impress the examiner.
- I believe it is evident to say that
- there is a great tendency to
- which is critically related to two valid reasons
- as discussed
- resulting in positive outcomes
If we look at the actual ‘topic vocabulary’ that you used, we only see this single phrase:
- to buy a house instead of renting one
Here’s the conclusion that I wrote for the same essay question:
In conclusion, I fully understand people’s desire to own their own homes, and I see this as a positive aspiration.
Instead, I recommend that you focus on topic vocabulary and clear communication.